Wanda Wuv
by travln1
Summary: A Valentine's Day prank gone awry. House/Wilson spoof. First time fic writer. Some angst, a big dramatic thing don't want to spoil here. Lots of House, Wilson & Cuddy. Author's personal favorite.
1. Ch 1

Chapter 1

"I don't know, what do you think?"

"It's a bunch of crap to make the greeting card companies rich."

Wilson smiled, "True".

"So, are you going to get me any flowers for Valentine's Day?" House smiled, "You know, everyone practically thinks we're a couple anyway. May as well make it realistic, we could pull it off you know. Just think of what Cuddy would say."

"And your team."

"Ya," House smirked, "Night sugardaddy."

"Night House, or should I say shnookums?"

House stood to leave Wilson's office and said, "Wait, what if you showed up just a little late tomorrow, with your hair still wet from the shower?"

"Why?" Wilson said hesitantly.

"Well, what would that look like if I showed up a little earlier than normal, you know about the same time as you, with my head wet?"

"You are just plain evil."

"I know. Until tomorrow, loverboy." If Wilson didn't know any better, he would have sworn he saw his gimpy friend skip on his way out.

* * *

"Happy Valentine's Day Foreman." 

"Thanks Cameron, you and Chase have any special plans for tonight?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Cameron said with a smile.

"Where is Chase anyway?"

"He's already down in the clinic, no patient to work up. I was just about to head down there."

"Wait up a second, I'll join you. Just want to grab a cup of coffee."

* * *

Cuddy waited downstairs in the lobby for Dr. Wilson. She hoped he was Ok, it was not at all like him to be late. The roads were particularly icy and she couldn't help but imagine all kinds of horrible accidents. 

"Dr. Cuddy?"

"Oh, hi Dr. Cameron."

"Have you seen Dr. Wilson yet?"

"I was just wondering that myself, he's never late." Cuddy said.

"Ya, I know. He said I could borrow a reference manual and it's in his locked office."

"Well, you can always just ask House to break in for you, _he_ doesn't have any boundary issues."

"Oh, I wasn't trying to get into his office, I just wondered if you'd seen him. House isn't in anyway, it's too early yet."

"Sorry, I was being sarcastic. I hate Valentine's Day. When I see Dr. Wilson, I'll let him know you're looking for…" Her voice trailed off as a rather bedraggled Wilson walked into the lobby with a wet head, and yesterday's rumpled clothes on.

"Dr. Wilson?" Cuddy asked, "Is everything Ok?"

"Oh, hi. Yes, fine. Uh, late night," Wilson said both eyebrows raised slightly.

"Am I mistaken or are you wearing what you wore yesterday?" She looked at him in obvious confusion. "House is starting to wear off on you."

Wilson said nothing and did his best not to smile or give away any hint of the charade he and House were about to pull. "Well, I need to get up to my office. I have a change of clothes up there and a patient in twenty minutes. See you later." And Wilson left.

Cuddy stared at Cameron in disbelief, "Well, it seems Wilson has himself a girlfriend. Hey, you forgot to ask him for that manual."

Cameron smiled at Cuddy, slightly shocked, "I'll catch up to him later." Just then, House walked in.

"What in the world is going on this morning?" Cuddy muttered to herself, House was never early.

"You're early," Cameron said.

"Nothing like the sweet smell of coffee, chocolates and flowers on a glorious Valentine's day morning" quipped an unusually cheerful House.

"Are you…happy?" Cuddy stared at House.

"I read The Secret. Ask, believe, receive. It works."

"Your hair is soaking wet House, you're going to catch your death like that. You rode your motorcycle through icy streets with a wet head?"

"Cameron, there is no scientific fact that says wet hair will cause death. And to think you call yourself a doctor." House turned towards the elevator.

"Wait," Cameron paused, "House, did you shower with Dr. Wilson?"

House feigned the smallest hint of being caught, complete with a slight intake of breath and the almost imperceptible aversion of his eyes, "No. Did you shower with Cuddy?"

"No!" Cameron gasped.

"House, you didn't," Cuddy said.

"No, I didn't. Honestly, can't two men just be friends? I had the most incredible night with Wanda last night. Like I said: ask, believe, receive."

"Ok, just stop right there. TMI, I have no interest in your love life," Cuddy said.

"Who said it had anything to do with love?" House retorted. He looked at them as if his precious time was being put to no good use standing there, and yet he couldn't bring himself to leave the girls in such a savory state of absolute mayhem. He was most definitely going to enjoy this, and at the same time he realized he would likely deal with the repercussions later. House saw many clinic hours in his future, but it would be more than worth it.

"Wait, where are you going?" Cuddy demanded.

"No patient, thought I'd catch up on my soaps, do lunch, nap a bit. You know, the usual."

"House!" But before Cuddy could insist he work in the clinic, the elevator doors closed on an all too pleased House.

* * *

House hobbled to his office, waited a few minutes to be sure no one would enter, and walked out onto his balcony. Wilson was waiting for him. 

House motioned to the clothes spread out on the balcony wall, "Yesterday's clothes huh?"

"Ya, for effect."

"Nice touch."

"Thanks."

"You're a little too good at this," House said as he looked at Wilson. He was impressed.

"Oh, that's nothing. Look at this little gem,"

"Why James Wilson, I do believe that no man has ever given me a rose before." House mockingly swooned in a thick southern accent.

Wilson smiled, "I thought you'd like it. We need just the right moment for this to work. They need to see me handing it to you, and they need to think we're trying to hide our love affair."

"Oh you naughty, naughty boy. I knew there was a reason we were friends."

"Only friend." Wilson smirked.


	2. Ch 2

Chapter 2

Chase, Cameron and Foreman sat in the cafeteria eating lunch. Cameron just finished describing the morning's events when Chase looked up from his sandwich, "Ok, so House was early, Wilson was late. They both had wet hair. That doesn't _mean_ anything."

"It's just odd, that's all."

"Oh, come on Cameron," Foreman said, "You don't honestly believe that Wilson would do House?"

Cameron thought on that for a minute and nodded her head, there was just no way. "Speaking of Wilson, he's lending me a manual and I forgot to ask him for it earlier. I'm just going to run and get it, be right back."

"Cameron, wait a minute. I'll go. House just paged me, wants me to meet him in his office." Chase stood from the table, put his pager away and motioned for Cameron to sit back down.

"Why would he page just you and not all of us?" Cameron said as she sat back down.

"No idea. Who knows why House does anything anyway?" Chase held his hand up in a quick wave and headed off.

* * *

"Oh, and by the way I told Cuddy I spent the night with 'Wanda' to throw her off a bit. Just play along. Chase should be here any minute, I just paged him. When I give the signal, come on in and give me the rose. Now Wilson, this is your moment, your one and only chance on the big Broadway stage. I want a performance worthy of a standing ovation and an encore. Feel your character, be the charact…"

"If you don't shut up, he's going to be here before I can get outside this room."

Wilson left and just managed to get into position outside of House's office when House nodded his head. Wilson put on his absolute best 'shy boy in love' act with his head tilted slightly down while looking up at House, red rose behind his back. House did equally as convincing an act. He nodded his head again and Wilson handed him the rose and House every so coyly accepted it, in a 'gosh you shouldn't have' sort of way. The two men embraced and to play the part convincingly, House actually hugged back.

"Wanda Wilson, I wuv you," House said, nearly cracking a smile. This was just too much fun.

Chase walked in, not believing what he had just seen. Wanda Wilson? WANDA? House wuvs Wanda? Should he wait for this obviously personal moment to pass, should he leave? Cameron was right, Wilson and House were involved! And with pet names for each other. He could only imagine what Wilson called House. Just then, House glanced at Chase and feigned embarrassment at being caught with his secret lover.

"Now House, that's the sort of hug I give to all my dying cancer patients. It would do you good to at least try and hug back in the event a patient hugs you," Wilson mumbled while trying to sound like he was hiding something.

"Right, like I'd ever hug a patient" House replied, trying to sound like his usual self, "and just what…" House gave a little show of mocked embarrassment at having been given the rose without knowing what to do with it, "and what should I do with this?"

"Oh, I found it. On the floor, I thought it was yours." Wilson looked sheepish.

"Right," House turned his attention to Chase, "So I paged you Chase. See you later Wilson, I'm sure you have dying bald people to hug."

"I can come back later," Chase mumbled, "give the two of you some time if you need it."

"Oh that? Oh no, that, that was just Wilson being Wan…Wilson. You know, the hugging oncologist. He was just trying to show me the finer points of hugging a patient, against my will of course." House stammered, "No, no. He's got work to do." Wilson promptly left and headed for his office. He didn't want Chase to see him laugh uncontrollably.

"So, you paged?"

"Right, I just wanted you to know that I have four extra clinic hours this week with your name on them." House actually didn't have any extra hours but he needed an excuse.

"Ya, thanks for that. Happy Valentine's Day to you too." Chase was sure House was hiding his relationship with Wilson and was just trying to get rid of him. Wanda Wilson, who knew? He left to find Cameron.

* * *

"Did you see the look on his face?" Wilson was ecstatic. House smiled. "And who knew, Greg House actually knows how to hug." Wilson raised an eyebrow and eyed House.

"It was all an act. What about the rose? You found it on the floor? That was less than encore worthy." House joined Wilson in his office.

"Well, that was the best I could come up with on the spot. Chase bought it."

"Chase is a sap." Both men chuckled. House set out two small paper cups and poured a shot of single malt whiskey in each and handed one to Wilson.

"We're at work House," Wilson took the cup anyway.

"It's ten minutes until checkout, drink up."

"Cheers." Wilson looked at House and shook his head, "You are having way too much of a good time with this. What do you think they're doing right now?"

House smiled, "Oh, right about now Chase is telling Cameron and Foreman all about the rose and 'Wanda Wilson'. Then they will tell Cuddy, Cuddy will sink into her couch in her office and wonder what the hell's going on in her hospital and then she'll come up with a plan to confront us with tomorrow."

"Not that you've thought this through or anything." Wilson downed his shot and watched House set his on the desk, "Aren't you going to drink that?"

"In a minute. I just got an idea, be right back."

Wilson shrugged, grabbed House's glass and downed his too. House took the elevator to the clinic and peeked out. Just as he thought, Cameron was talking to an obviously shocked Cuddy. House hobbled back up to the office and found Wilson on his third or possibly fourth shot.

"Hey, save some for me would you?"

"Sorry. Damn, I had a budget meeting with Cuddy scheduled."

"You can't show up hammered. You've had enough, too much. You can't drive home like this."

"You aren't my mother."

House smiled, "Now we sound like a married couple." Wilson laughed.

"I have an idea anyway, but we have to move quickly. Let me drive you home. Cuddy and Cameron are near the clinic, so they'll see us leave together."

Wilson was feeling the effects of the whiskey, not so much so that he couldn't help but feel this little ruse was fun but had run its course. Admittedly though, he couldn't argue with House, he knew he shouldn't drive.

"Ok, but then that's it and we give up on this prank tomorrow. It can't go on forever."

"Ok, let's go." House popped a vicodin, twirled his cane and headed towards the elevators.

"Wait House."

"What?"

"I've come up with a name for you," Wilson watched House smile, intrigued.

"Poppy."

"Poppy? That's the best you could come up with?"

Wilson gathered his thoughts, "You _pop_ vicodin all day long, and it's what my grandmother called my grandfather."

House smiled, "Perfect."


	3. Ch 3

Chapter 3

"So, House called him Wanda?" Cuddy was distraught, what was she going to do when word got out that her top diagnostician and oncologist were a couple? "Wanda?"

"That's what Chase told me. He wuvs his wittle Wanda. Oh god, gag me with a spoon."

"Where are Foreman and Chase now?"

"Foreman left, he has a date for tonight. Chase is doing House's four clinic hours, kind of put a wrench in our plans for tonight."

"What clinic hours?"

"House told Chase that he had four extra clinic hours with Chase's name on them."

"I never assigned House any extra clinic hours."

Cameron looked at Cuddy, shook her head and walked over to the clinic to find Chase. Cuddy turned to walk back to her office when she saw House and Wilson exit the elevator. House had his left hand under Wilson's right elbow supporting his drunk friend just a bit, though from Cuddy's angle it appeared that the two were walking arm in arm. As they approached, Cuddy ducked under the counter in the lobby, looking for an earring that wasn't actually missing, but not before House saw her do so.

Slightly louder than a whisper, but only just, to be sure Cuddy would hear him and assume he was trying to hide what he was saying, House said, "I have something special planned for tonight Wanda."

Wilson giggled just a bit, in part due to this charade and in bigger part due to the whiskey, "Poppy, you are the man of my dreams." It was all House could do not to laugh out loud. Wilson was good before in this mocked love affair, but with a little alcohol in him, he was outstanding in his lack of inhibition. House leaned heavily on his cane with his right hand, took Wilson's elbow in his left and steered them both out of the lobby as quickly as possible. No telling what kind of trouble Wilson would get into for being drunk at work and House knew he would be blamed, and rightfully so.

The boys walked out to the motorcycle, all the while with Cuddy watching in disbelief and completely unaware of Wilson's intoxication. "Are you sure you can hold on until I get you home?" House asked his friend. He heard a, "Hmmm" in response but Wilson seemed to have a good hold, so House took off. At the first light, House turned towards his own apartment, deciding that his friend could sleep on his couch instead of alone at a hotel.

* * *

Cuddy turned away from the lobby windows and found Chase and Cameron also watching the motorcycle zoom out of view with jaws slightly dropped.

"We're heading out now, see you tomorrow?" Cameron said slightly dazed, not quite sure she understood what she just witnessed.

"He called House 'Poppy' and said that he was the man of his dreams." Cuddy's expression was nothing short of absolute shock and confusion.

"Poppy?" Both Chase and Cameron chimed. Cuddy slowly nodded. Her head was throbbing and she was tired after a long day. She waved at the young couple as they turned to leave and Cuddy headed back towards her office.

"I hate Valentine's Day," she mumbled.

* * *

House could hear Wilson retching in the bathroom and watched as his pale faced friend walked into the living room, "Don't let me drink on an empty stomach again."

"There are some crackers and ginger ale in the kitchen. You Ok on the couch tonight?"

"Ya, thanks."

"Night Wanda." House headed towards his bedroom.

"Drop it House." Wilson was in no mood to joke around. He grabbed a ginger ale, took a few sips and soon fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning, Wilson woke with an excruciating headache and his stomach was on fire. House emerged from the bathroom freshly showered, hair still wet. "Now you're going to have to wear the same clothes that you wore yesterday."

"I know, these are the spare set of clothes I keep at the office."

"You can borrow a shirt and one of my jackets if you want." House thought that would be comical if the two of them showed up in matching outfits.

"No thanks."

"Hey, they're clean. Wrinkled, but clean."

"Don't you think that's going a bit too far?" Wilson looked skeptical.

"What's too far? Toying with Cuddy's mind is part of my job, it's in my contract. Would you rather wear the shirt you've been puking in all night or a clean, wrinkled outfit that happens to look oddly similar to what I'm wearing? Here, wear the blue one. It sets off my eyes."

* * *

"Oh honestly, I look ridiculous." Wilson tried his best to look professional in House's hand me downs.

"Hey, are you saying I look ridiculous?"

"Well, I have a certain professional standard I'd like to maintain, unlike some. Not easy with a wet head and ironed clothes on, impossible with a wet head and your clothes on."

"Harsh," House shrugged, "It's the shoes, you just can't pull off my look without the sneakers. Come on Mr. GQ, grab the extra helmet from the closet, we're taking the bike." House motioned to the closet with his cane.

"I draw the line at sneakers. Wrinkles are bad enough."


	4. Ch 4

Chapter 4

Cameron and Chase had just finished telling Foreman about the unbelievable goings on the night prior. Foreman sat in disbelief, "Honestly, I still don't buy it. Seems fishy. We've never seen any indication that House and Wilson are involved. Why now, all of a sudden?"

"They're always together, no girlfriends, they play practical jokes on one another, Wilson's always buying House food. Wilson puts up with House. House confides in Wilson, trusts him even. If that's not love…" Cameron's voice trailed off, shaking her head, "I just can't believe we didn't see it sooner."

"You should have seen House stammer and try to hide the fact that Wilson gave him that rose yesterday. He practically pushed him out the door when he figured out I saw the whole thing. Ya, like Wilson just happened to find that rose on the floor." Chase said, "Come on, we're going to be late for clinic duty and Cuddy's already in a foul mood."

* * *

Cuddy stood by the lobby's front doors. She could see that Wilson's car was still in the parking lot, meaning Wilson spent the night with House. She paced back and forth, unsure of how to approach the two men about their relationship. Cuddy stepped outside onto the icy walkway to see if she could see House's motorcycle, but it wasn't in the parking lot. Again Wilson was late. She couldn't remember the last time Wilson was late to work, other than yesterday, and hoped that this wasn't going to become routine. She didn't understand how their relationship could have developed right under her nose without her noticing it. She didn't have a problem with the relationship unless it affected their work, and being late to work was not acceptable. She turned to go back inside and saw Foreman, Chase and Cameron waiting for her inside by the front doors. She took a step towards them and lost her footing, slipping on the ice. She landed square on her tush.

"Are you Ok?" Foreman asked as the three fellows rushed to her aid.

"Yes, it's just my pride that's hurt. My heel caught on the ice and I slipped." The boys helped her to her feet.

"Oh your backside is all wet, do you have a change of clothes?" Cameron looked on with a sympathetic smile.

"I think so, back in my off…" Cuddy was unable to finish her sentence. Just then, the four of them heard the squeal of tires hydroplaning across the ice covered parking lot and the clash of metal.

They looked on in horror as they watched a small blue truck glide out of control, losing all traction. Instead of coming to a stop, it just kept careening towards the bushes up against the building, and the truck slid perpendicular to the main lane in front of the hospital. There was no stopping the truck and there was no way to avoid hitting the oncoming motorcycle.


	5. Ch 5

Chapter 5

Both the motorcycle and the truck were only going 5-10 mph, but the impact was enough to knock Wilson clean off the bike. He hit the pavement hard, sliding a couple of feet. He lay unmoving. House managed to stay with the bike, but the truck caused him to lose control, and the bike hydroplaned on the ice too. The bike tipped over hitting House in the head on the way down, and pinning his right leg beneath it.

Foreman ran inside the lobby shouting for multiple gurneys and any and all available staff to help and then ran back outside to join the others. Cuddy was by Wilson's side, checking his vitals. Cameron and Chase were lifting the bike off of House.

The driver of the truck stepped out, clearly distraught, and apologized, "I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop the truck. The ice, it just kept slipping, and I saw them and it wouldn't stop, I'm so sorry. So sorry."

Several staff members wheeled gurneys outside. Security blocked the scene from oncoming cars and redirected traffic. Nurses and doctors rushed about trying to stabilize two of its own. Chaos had struck the entry to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. House lay on his back in the middle of the street, Wilson not far from him. Cuddy knelt next to Wilson checking his chest sounds with her stethoscope, repeating his name and rubbing his sternum with her fist in an effort to wake him. Chase and Foreman gently placed House onto a gurney, being careful of his right leg.

"Sir, are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?" Cameron asked the driver as he approached the three fellows.

"No, I'm fine. Are they going to be Ok?" No one answered him. Two nurses escorted him into the hospital.

Cuddy ordered Foreman to do a full work up on the unconscious Wilson, and she left Foreman to take him down to emergency. As she walked back to check on House, she told her assistant to get a hold of maintenance and insist that they lay a fresh layer of salt on the parking lot before lunch. As she approached House, she asked Chase, "How is he?"

"What happened?" House looked up at Cuddy.

"You don't remember?" Cuddy looked at him with concern.

"Of course I remember, I meant what happened to Wilson?"

Cuddy looked over to Chase, "How is he really?" she said as she motioned towards House with a nod of her head.

"I'm fine." House said impatiently, "Where's Wilson?" House blinked several times and shook his head. He tried to sit up only to find Cuddy and Chase pushing him back down by his shoulders.

"House, you are not fine. You just had a motorcycle on top of you, you're bleeding from your forehead and who knows what all else. Lie down." Cuddy looked at him with concern.

"Why Dr. Cuddy, I didn't know you cared." He smirked. Lisa Cuddy turned away from House to conceal her smile. He was still House and right now, that was a good thing. She took hold of the gurney and helped guide it towards the lobby doors.

"Cuddy, did you piss yourself? Your double wide is all wet." House smiled despite the throbbing pain coming from…was it his head? No, his leg. Oh hell, everywhere. He laid his head back down.

"Funny House. Honestly, I told you the bike was a death trap. Why do you have to drive that thing in this weather?" Cuddy looked down at House, waiting for his usual comeback. Instead, she saw him wince in pain. "Schedule him for a head CT and MRI his leg. House, where does it hurt?"

"I'll be fine, the bike just tipped over. Who's with Wilson?"

"House, we need to make sure your leg is Ok and that you have no other injuries. Are you in any pain?" Cameron said. She too was annoyed with House's lack of cooperation.

"Dammit, somebody tell me what's going on with Wilson."

Chase finally caved, "He's unconscious. They're working on him now down in emergency, he's pretty banged up. Foreman's with him. Are you in any pain? Come on House, Wilson's not going to get any better by you getting worse."

House leaned back on the gurney, closed his eyes and placed his hand up to his forehead. He sighed, "Killer headache."

"Your leg doesn't hurt?" Cameron looked on in confusion as they wheeled his gurney towards the elevator bay.

"My leg always hurts. Nothing's broken, I probably have a slight concussion. I'm fine."

"Let us be the judge of that." Cuddy said.

Chase leaned over the gurney and checked House's pupil reflex with his penlight while they waited for the elevator, "House? House stay with me. He's losing consciousness."

House blinked several times, shaking his head, "I can't keep my eyes open" he said with difficulty.

"House?" Cuddy watched as her best diagnostician now lay unconscious on a gurney. She shook her head. The doors to the elevator opened, "Stay with him Chase. Cameron and I will meet you in the ER."

Cameron and Cuddy stood back and watched as Chase, and a nurse wheeled House into the elevator. The women then headed for the stairs. "How was Wilson really?" Cameron asked.

"Unconscious. His vitals were good, good breath sounds, some road rash on his right side. I'm not sure who's in worse shape, House or Wilson." Cuddy stopped on the stairwell and looked at Cameron, "I don't know what we'll do if we lose either of them."

"Dr. Cuddy, it could have been a lot worse, let's not get ahead of ourselves."

* * *

"Wilson's still unconscious but he's showing signs of waking. He opened his eyes briefly about half an hour ago." Foreman handed Cuddy his chart, "How's House?"

"He blacked out in the elevator. I've been up in my office with the police for the last hour, I'm about to go check in with Cameron to see how he's doing." Cuddy and Foreman headed off towards the ER, "This has been one hell of a morning, and after yesterday, I didn't think it could get much worse." They saw Cameron approaching them.

"What didn't you think could get much worse? Is Wilson Ok?" Cameron looked at Cuddy with concern.

"Oh, I was just telling Foreman that after yesterday, I didn't think things could get much worse."

"You mean about Wilson and House dating?"

"Exactly, did you see what Wilson was wearing today?" Cuddy asked both of them, Foreman shrugged.

Cameron shook her head, "No. But both he and House had wet hair again."

"Wilson was wearing House's clothes, they nearly matched." Cuddy shook her head.

"I think it's kind of sweet, they really do love each other. I can't imagine what it must be like to know the one you love is in pain and feel responsible for it."

Cuddy nodded in agreement, "How is he?" she asked as she took House's file from Cameron.

"I was just about to suture his forehead. He's awake and just as stubborn as always. He insisted Chase, Foreman or I suture him, no one else." Cameron grabbed a suture kit from the nearby shelf and a pair of gloves.

"Foreman, once he's stitched up I want you and Chase to get him down to CT as soon as you can and do the MRI. I'm going to check in on Wilson." Cuddy handed him Wilson's file, "Don't let House anywhere near that file, he's off duty. House isn't the only doctor in this hospital."

* * *

"Where's Wilson?"

Cameron ignored his question as she sat on the stool beside House's emergency room bed. She began to clean and disinfect the gash on his forehead, "You know House, we all know about you and Wilson. It's Ok, you don't have to hide your feelings for him."

House sighed, he had actually forgotten about his and Wilson's little charade given the morning's events. It didn't seem so funny anymore. He half smiled and looked up at Cameron, "No, we're not a couple."

"House, shhh. It's Ok, I won't judge you. Really, you don't have to hide it."

"Cameron, I'm telling you there's nothing between Wilson and I. Where is he?" House massaged his temples. Seems their little game worked a little too well.

"Let me stitch you up."

"This is absurd, I don't need to be in this bed. I'm fine."

"You heard Cuddy, you're to remain in this bed until your leg and your head have been looked at."

House grabbed Cameron's wrist, "Fine. Bring me Wilson's file."

"No. Let go."

"No? Bring me the file." House was stern and clearly not in a joking mood.

"Ask Cuddy for it, she warned everyone here that you'd want it. She said you're off duty, no file."

"This is ridiculous, I am just fine. Where's my cane?" House released her wrist and swung his legs off the side of the bed. He stood up and instantly felt lightheaded and woozy. He rested his hand on Cameron's shoulder to help steady himself.

"Smashed in the accident."

"Perfect."

"Sit back down and let me suture you. When we're done here, you're going to the imaging room." House relented and allowed Cameron to help him back into bed.

"Where is he?"

"They're running tests on him now."

"Running tests on him now? Don't patronize me Cameron, I was practicing medicine before they took the training wheels off your bicycle. I'm Wilson's medical proxy."

Cameron eyed him skeptically.

"Go ask Cuddy if you don't believe me."


	6. Ch 6

Chapter 6

Several hours later, Wilson was moved into a private room. Cuddy stood looking over his chart, placed it on the table and sat in the nearby chair. She put her elbows on her knees, placed her head in her hands and took a deep breath and held it in before releasing it.

Cameron stood at the door for just a minute before entering, "How's Wilson?"

"Still unconscious. The scans looked good, vitals are strong. Two broken ribs on his right side and a nice sized patch of road rash too. He's going to be sore for a while but all things considered, he's not in bad shape. They'd both be in body bags if this accident happened out on the highway."

"He just needs to wake up." Cameron said as she sat down next to Cuddy. Cuddy nodded her head.

"House says he's Wilson's proxy."

"He is."

"He's not going to give in you know, he's House. He's in no condition to make medical decisions." Cameron stood to look at Wilson.

"That's why I'm both his and Wilson's attending, he won't be making any important decisions. Where is he now?"

"Getting an MRI. He tried to stand up and became lightheaded when I was suturing him, CT shows he's got a concussion."

"He is the most stubborn man I've ever met." Cuddy said while shaking her head.

"He tried to hide his relationship with Wilson too, told me they weren't a couple."

"Typical, he still can't show his emotions, even when the man he loves is lying unconscious after being thrown from a bike he was driving." Again, Cuddy shook her head.

"That accident wasn't his fault. Where's his cane?" Cameron stood and walked over to Wilson's bedside.

"In my office. He can't get around without it." Cuddy cracked a smile and Cameron chuckled.

"Good thinking." This time, it was Wilson who spoke.

Both women sighed with relief, "How do you feel?" Cameron asked as she checked his pulse.

"Like I was hit by a truck. I don't remember being hit but I do remember thinking we would be. How's House?" Wilson somewhat mumbled his words.

"Better off than you. You have matching clothes and matching concussions."

"And his leg?"

"Foreman and Chase are running the MRI right now." Cuddy said as she placed her stethoscope into her ears.

"Cuddy! Client/patient privilege should still exist." Cameron blurted out.

"Cameron, House is Wilson's proxy and Wilson is House's proxy. It's Ok."

"Wait a minute," Wilson sighed, "House and I are _not_ a couple. It was all a joke."

"Wilson really, you don't have to hide it from us." Cuddy said.

Wilson put his hand up to his head, clearly in pain, "Cuddy, honestly, it was all a joke. We were never romantically involved. House is my friend and that's it. We thought we'd have a little fun with all of you yesterday. It got a bit out of hand."

"I saw the two of you walking arm in arm in the lobby yesterday, you told House he was the man of your dreams. You called him Poppy!" Cuddy looked perplexed.

"I was drunk. We had a drink just before we left to celebrate our prank."

"House was drunk too?"

"No, I drank his while he checked if you were in the lobby." Wilson closed his eyes, his head felt like it would explode.

Cameron sat down and started laughing. Cuddy looked at Wilson. She was slightly upset that he would try to pull a prank on her, and more upset that he was drunk at work, even if it was at the end of the work day. At the same time, she was so very glad that he was awake to tell the tale. She finally smiled too, "I'll be right back." Cuddy left the room and asked one of the nurses to page both Chase and Foreman to Wilson's room, stat.

"Wilson, we're going to leave you to rest for a while. We'll be right outside if you need anything." And with that, Cameron and Cuddy left the room.

* * *

"House, sit down. You will ride all the way back to your bed in this wheelchair if I have to strap you to it." Foreman demanded.

"Foreman, you little dominatrix you." House sat back down, "I think you're enjoying this a little too much. And don't shout, you're giving me a headache."

"You are a headache." Chase mumbled under his breath.

"I heard that. Watch it or you'll pay when I'm outta here."

Chase mocked House behind his back while pushing the wheelchair. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief when House woke up, but was annoyed at his usual sarcasm. Did he not realize just how serious the accident had been?

Back in emergency, both Foreman and Chase helped House back into bed when both pagers went off.

"What is it?" House asked.

"We've been called to Wilson's room. Stay put, we'll be back." Chase gave House a stern look.

"What's going on?"

"No idea, now lay down and stay put!" Chase and Foreman rushed off to Wilson's room. Once out of House's earshot, Chase looked at Foreman and said, "Must be hell when you don't know what's going on with the one you love."

"I still can't believe House is with Wilson." Foreman just shook his head.

* * *

Cuddy and Cameron met the boys just outside of Wilson's room and debriefed them on his condition and on the prank they were victim to.

"I KNEW they weren't a couple. I just knew it. I don't know about House, but no way would Wilson date a guy," Foreman said, slightly full of himself.

Chase was laughing, he had to admit, it was a good prank, "Come on Foreman, they had even you fooled." Foreman smiled.

All four of them walked into Wilson's room. He was awake. His head hurt and he occasionally vomited, making his side burn even more, a nasty side effect from the concussion.

"So Wilson, feel up to pulling one over on House?" Cuddy asked with a broad grin.

"Always." Wilson replied.

* * *

"What happened?" House asked Foreman.

"He's still unconscious. Two broken ribs, he's scraped pretty good on his right side, a good sized bruise on his head. He hit the ground hard." Foreman watched as House pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Look, we thought you'd want to be with him so we're moving you up to his room in just a few minutes. We're hoping he might respond to your voice."

House leaned back against his pillow. This just couldn't be happening. His best friend was lying in a bed unconscious. His team and Cuddy thought they were lovers and no matter how many times he said it, no one believed that they weren't. He had a massive headache and he wanted to review Wilson's chart, but his leg was on fire. The morphine took the edge off but it wasn't enough. House was doing everything in his power to stay focused when all he wanted to do was sleep. "Foreman, Wilson and I are not lovers. We're not involved, we're not dating, we're not seeing each other, we're not anything. It was a prank, it's over."

Foreman put on his best sympathetic smile, "It's Ok House, we all understand. I'm off in half an hour and will see you tomorrow. Take it easy, Wilson's going to pull through, don't worry." House closed his eyes in disbelief.

* * *

House woke to hear someone whispering. It took him a minute to figure out he was in Wilson's room and it was Cuddy who was speaking, "James, I don't know if you can hear me but I just don't understand, I thought things were going so well. Why didn't you tell me?" House could hear Cuddy sniffle, was she crying? "After the other night, I thought that you and I really had something. I had no idea you loved House. What about Valentine's Day?" and then in an even lower whisper, "I even bought a red lace teddy, just like the blue one you like." She paused, "You need to wake up, House is here. He's right beside you."

House closed his eyes, he didn't want Cuddy to suddenly pull back the curtain and see him staring at her. Cuddy and Wilson? CUDDY AND WILSON? He thought Wilson had been acting strangely lately, especially downing the whiskey yesterday, or was that the day before? House had lost track of the time and wasn't sure if he had slept through the night, or just for a short while. Then he remembered Wilson's comment about missing his budget meeting with Cuddy because he had been drinking. He wondered if that had truly been a budget meeting.

Wilson kept his eyes closed, but he was having a hard time keeping the smile off his face. His head was throbbing and his side hurt; it was a good thing he couldn't laugh out loud or he'd be in even more pain. At least for the time being, his role in this charade was easy, all he had to do was feign unconsciousness. Cuddy was brilliant, he thought. She had stopped talking and just sat there with her back to House and gave a little sniffle or heaved a sigh every once in a while. Cuddy had a huge grin on her face.

Cuddy stood, took Wilson's vitals in earnest and said, "I'll be back in the morning. Love you" and made a kissing sound in the air. Wilson opened his eyes at the sound and smiled. Cuddy put her index finger up to her lips, warning him to keep quiet. She then turned and pulled the curtain back. House acted like he was asleep, but Cuddy knew better. She checked his vitals too.

She touched House's forehead with her hand, brushing the hair off his forehead, "He needs you House. I never knew how much the two of you meant to each other." Cuddy suddenly felt very sorry for House. He was pale and she knew he would be in more pain than usual when they turned off the morphine drip. A pang of guilt sat like a lead weight in her stomach, feeling guilty for having started this prank. But, Cuddy knew that in order to make it work, they needed to start the ball rolling before House could reason well enough. She gently placed both her hands on either side of his face and lightly kissed House's forehead, "I'm so happy for the both of you."

Cuddy then turned to leave and despite feeling somewhat guilty, she couldn't help but smile. It was after all a harmless prank, clearly one that House himself didn't think twice about pulling and Cuddy was fairly sure that he would eventually be impressed with the ruse. It was late and even though she needed a good night's sleep in her own bed, Cuddy decided the couch in her office would have to do. As much as she wanted to get House back for the prank, and for driving both himself and Wilson into work on that damned bike, she was still worried. She wanted to be nearby in case she was needed.

* * *

Did Cuddy just kiss him? House continued to pretend he was sleeping, trying not to make a sarcastic remark about not knowing where her lips had been. He waited for her to leave before turning onto his left side to look over at Wilson. House knew Cuddy had just taken Wilson's vitals, having heard her using the blood pressure monitor and the clink of her stethoscope, regardless he couldn't help but observe Wilson's breathing rate and note his somewhat pasty complexion. He concluded that Wilson was either truly unconscious or asleep.

"Wilson," House waited for a reply, "Wilson, wake up." Nothing. "Wilson, you need to wake up. I'll never hear the end of it from Cuddy if you're not Ok." He paused, hoping for a response. "Wilson, you need to tell them the truth. Wake up."

House placed his head back on his pillow and breathed deeply before closing his eyes, unable to keep them open any longer.

Wilson kept his eyes closed and wouldn't allow himself to smile. House would never come out and say he cared, but what he just said was about as close to it as he would get.


	7. Ch 7

Chapter 7

House awoke to a sharp pain in his leg. He looked up to find Cuddy disconnecting him from the morphine, and found he was no longer connected to any other tubes either. His head ached, though not nearly as much as the day before. He looked over at Wilson and could have sworn that Wilson shut his eyes just as he looked at him. Wilson was no longer connected to any lines either.

"The MRI must have been clean, it'd be Ok if you left the morphine hooked up. What time is it? What day is it?"

Cuddy looked at House. She was relieved that both men were awake and on the mend. She was also frustrated that they would both need at least a week off to recuperate. "It's the 16th, at about 7:15am. You're bruised, nothing's broken. How's the pain on a scale of one to ten?"

"Seven. You woke me up at 7:15am?"

"How did it rate before the accident?"

"Five on the good days. Wait, the 16th? I thought today was the 15th."

"You were in and out of consciousness for a while sleeping beauty. Your vicodin prescription will be fine." Cuddy's eyes grew wide, "I'll be back," and she quickly turned to leave.

House thought it was odd that she left in such a hurry, but turned his attention to Wilson. "Hey Wilson." He paused, "Wilson, I saw your eyes open, wake up."

"I'm awake, don't shout."

"Gotta love these concussions, huh?"

"I've been better. You?"

"Peachy."

"Remind me never to get on a motorcycle with you again."

"Hey, it wasn't my fault the truck didn't stop." House looked over at his friend, "why didn't you tell me about Cuddy?"

"How did you know?"

"I heard her last night, or was that the night before?" House was a bit confused about the timing of things. "So, you like her blue teddy huh?"

"House." Wilson tried to sound annoyed.

"But Wanda, I thought you only had eyes for me."

"We have to tell them, they can't go on thinking we're a couple. I really screwed things up with Lisa. We had plans for Valentine's Day and where was I? At your place drunk, and now she thinks I call you Poppy." Wilson was really starting to enjoy this.

"Go ahead and tell them, I've tried. They don't believe me. And don't think you're getting out of this conversation so easily. I want all the Cuddy details." House looked around the room, "I have to go and no way am I using a bedpan." He got up out of bed, leaned heavily on the bed rails, took two hops on his good leg and sat in the wheelchair that was in the room. He wheeled himself to the bathroom inside of their hospital room and opened the door only to find someone inside sanitizing the toilet. House sighed and headed out of the room, in search of an unoccupied bathroom.

House rolled up to the nearest bathroom down the hallway and could hear someone puking from within. He curled his lip in complete disgust and turned the wheelchair towards the other bathroom. Just then Cuddy emerged, blotting the corners of her mouth with a damp paper towel.

Acting startled, she turned to House and said, "Ate at a new place last night, must have been the oysters. You shouldn't be out of bed."

House stared at her, "I don't do bedpans."

Cuddy cupped her hand to her mouth and ran back into the bathroom, locked the door and made wretching sounds from within. House scrunched up his face in disgust, turned the wheelchair around and headed towards the other bathroom.

* * *

"You should have seen the look on his face!" Cuddy was beaming. She met up with Chase, Cameron and Foreman in the meeting room. "And then I ran back inside the bathroom and pretended to puke again. He was completely disgusted!"

"Do you think he'll put two and two together?" Chase put his coffee mug down and couldn't help but smile.

"He's still House." Foreman replied.

"How long are we going to let this go on? He is still recovering you know." Cameron was feeling a bit guilty about pulling the prank, though admittedly she was enjoying it anyway.

"Oh I don't know, at least until tomorrow." Cuddy smiled.

"When are they going home?" Chase asked.

"They can go home tomorrow, but I don't think either of them should spend the night alone." Foreman looked to Cuddy for approval and she nodded her head in agreement.

"We'll figure something out, even if we have to take turns staying with them."

* * *

Later that morning, House said, "It's Tuesday," while looking over at Wilson in the other hospital bed. 

"Great, I really appreciate the update. Tuesday generally comes after Monday and before Wednesday. Amazing how that happens every week." Wilson said sarcastically.

"You're cranky." House raised an eyebrow.

"You would be to if you were sent flying from a motorcycle and were stuck sharing a hospital room with a guy who won't shut up."

"I listened to you snore all night, do you hear me complaining?"

"I think you just did."

House repeated what day it was. With a sigh, Wilson said, "What's so important about Tuesday?"

"My new favorite show is on tonight."

"What's that?"

"Bones."

"Thanks for the memo. Mind if I go back to sleep now?"

Cuddy walked into the room, "Now boys," she said in an exaggerated tone, "There will be no more arguing in this hospital."

Wilson sighed, "Aren't there any private rooms?"

"No, sorry." Cuddy walked over to House's bed.

"Here's your cane." Cuddy handed it to House.

"I thought it was smashed."

"We lied."

"Everybody does."

House took the cane from Cuddy, swung both legs off the edge of the bed and gingerly stood up.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cuddy kept a close eye on him.

"Bathroom. Wanna come?"

Cuddy looked at him and shook her head, "Go slowly, it's been a while since you've been on that leg."

House sneered, "Yes mommy dearest. By the way, I haven't had my sponge bath yet today." He stared at Cuddy, raising both eyebrows twice.

Cuddy glared at him and then turned her attention to Wilson sitting gently on the edge of his bed, "How's your head?"

Wilson tilted his chin down slightly and cocked one eyebrow, "Are you kidding? With him here?"

"Hey, I'm standing right here. I heard that." House reached for the bathroom door handle.

"I know." Wilson smiled at Cuddy as House disappeared into the bathroom.

"You didn't eat much." Cuddy looked at the nearly untouched tray on Wilson's bedside table.

"My stomach is still a little touchy."

"Concussions can do that." Cuddy looked at Wilson as he nodded his head.

"When can we go home?"

"We want to keep you one more night, so probably tomorrow. You didn't answer me about your head. How's your headache?"

"Do you mean my actual head or him?" Wilson motioned to House's empty bed with his thumb. Cuddy chuckled. "My head hurts but not as much as my side." Wilson looked up at her and motioned to the bathroom with a nod of his head, "Think he's Ok? He's been in there a while."

Cuddy stood and walked over to the bathroom door. Knocking, she said, "House, did you fall in?" No answer. "House? Are you Ok?" Again, no answer. Cuddy knocked loudly on the door, "House if you don't answer me, I'm coming in there. Are you Ok? Do you need any help?'

"No." He said.

"No you aren't Ok, or no you don't need any help?" Cuddy shook her head.

"Need vicodin." Was all House could manage through clenched teeth.

"You can't wait until you're back in bed? Let me in, I'll help you back to bed."

"No."

Cuddy ran to the nurses station and retrieved the meds. She hurried back to the bathroom door, "House, here I've got the vicodin. Open the door." But the door remained closed. "Is your leg that bad? On a scale from one to ten?"

"Nine and a half"

And with that, Cuddy opened the bathroom door and found House sitting on the edge of the tub, both hands grasped around his right thigh, face contorted in agony. She picked up his right hand, turned it palm side up and dropped the vicodin into it.

"Let me help you back to bed."

"No."

"House," Cuddy started to protest.

"Wait for it to kick in, it takes at least twenty minutes."

"You can't sit here that long."

"No." He said defiantly.

She reached behind him to help lift him from his middle when he said angrily, "I said no," and pushed her hands away.

"Why?"

House looked up at her, a scowl across his face. He hated to admit the truth but what could he do given the circumstances? Being a patient in a hospital was neither glamorous, nor something he was unfamiliar with and yet he couldn't help but feel embarrassed and somewhat angry at accepting help for such simple and basic things, particularly from Cuddy. House stared at the floor.

It was then that Cuddy realized House was sitting with a towel draped over his lap. House's gown was opened and untied. "I can't let go of the cane while I'm standing and the damned thing shifts when I'm sitting." He hated to admit that he needed help, but he really couldn't sit there for much longer.

"Oh come on House, it's nothing I haven't seen before." Cuddy tried to make light of the situation, but he looked both angry and humiliated at the same time. "Just a minute ago you wanted me to give you a sponge bath, did you expect that to happen with your clothes on?"

House looked up at her and half smiled at her comment. "Shhh, don't let your boyfriend hear you talking about giving me a sponge bath."

"I'll tie the gown with my eyes closed if you want. I am a doctor, medical license and everything."

"You're also my boss, makes it a little awkward, don'tcha think?" House said.

"I've seen you full monty you know." Cuddy raised both her eyebrows and smiled.

"Hey, when have you seen him full monty?" Wilson said. He was now standing near the doorway, listening in on their conversation.

"Hate to tell you this Wilson, but Cuddy and I know each other _very_ well. Long before the two of you were an item, of course."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "Leg infarction, ring a bell?"

Wilson sighed, how could he have forgotten?

House tucked his chin to his chest and shook his head. "Just tie it up already." He stood, shakily, with Cuddy's help. She tied the gown, went into the room and brought back the wheelchair, helped him into it, wheeled him to his bedside and helped him back into bed, placing a pillow beneath his right knee.

"Stay put, would you please?"

"Yes mom."


	8. Ch 8

Chapter 8

"So, when do I get to cash in my get out of jail free card?" House looked up at Foreman.

"You're both going home this afternoon." He said.

"Actually, you're going to my house."

House looked at Cuddy in surprise. "Why your place?"

"You don't honestly think we'd let you go home alone after a head trauma?" Cuddy shook her head.

"I'm fine. Wilson on the other hand, I haven't seen his chart but I'm afraid the damage might be permanent."

"Funny." Wilson chimed in.

"House, we've all agreed to take turns staying with you."

"Awww, I'm touched." House smirked.

"You can stay in the spare bedroom House, Wilson can have my room and I'll take the sofa sleeper in the living room tonight."

"What if I want your room?"

"Forget it."

* * *

"Are you sure you're up to this? Wilson sat on Cuddy's bed while she made sure he had enough blankets and a glass of water on the nightstand. "Are you sure you want House here in your home?"

"No, I'm not sure but we couldn't let either one of you go home alone." Cuddy instantly felt sorry for having said that, "I'm fine having you here, I just hope House is on his best behavior."

"He doesn't have a clue what that is."

From the next room over, House shouted, "I can hear you, you know. Hey, no funny business in there. Sick people trying to get some sleep here."

"If you need anything, I'll be in the living room."

"Thanks." Wilson mouthed the word 'morning' and gave her the thumbs up sign. Cuddy returned the thumbs up sign and then headed down the hallway.

She peeked into House's room, "Do you need anything?"

"Got any morphine?"

"Sorry, fresh out."

"Care to join me?" House said as he patted the bed.

"Ah, no. I'll be in the living room if you need me." She turned towards the hallway.

"Cuddy," She turned to look at him and he simply smiled, a half smile anyway.

She nodded slightly, and then headed towards the livingroom._ You're welcome House_, Cuddy thought to herself. As she sat down on the couch, she called out, "Night boys."

Wilson replied, "Night Cuddy."

"Night Cuddy." House shouted annoyingly, "Night Wilson." He said sarcastically.

"Night John Boy." Wilson quipped.

* * *

House woke before sunrise and headed towards the bathroom. Wilson's door was slightly ajar and he peeked in. He intended to check on his friend but what he saw wasn't quite what he had expected. There they were, lying arm in arm. House just shook his head, how could he have missed it? He just didn't understand. He took a step back and a floorboard creaked, House grimaced at the noise. As he backed away from the door, Cuddy sat bolt upright in bed, covered her mouth with her hand and ran to the master bathroom, while grasping her stomach. She shut the door and again made puking sounds from within.

_Oh. My. God. _House thought to himself.

* * *

House woke up later that morning and again hobbled towards the bathroom. He heard Wilson and Cuddy whispering.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure you're sure?"

"James, I've been puking every day and I missed my period. I'm sure. I have an appointment today with my gynecologist to confirm."

* * *

Cameron sat with her hands clasped under her chin, roaring with laughter. Foreman and Chase sported broad smiles too as Cuddy finished telling them about the morning's events.

"Wilson said the look on his face was priceless!" Cuddy was definitely enjoying this.

"Did he say anything?" Chase asked.

"No, House didn't say a word. He stayed in his bedroom for a while and then came out to the kitchen and drank a cup of coffee and then went back to bed. I can only imagine what's going through his mind right now."

"How are they, any trouble during the night?" Foreman focused on the reason why they were at Cuddy's. As much as he was enjoying this little game, he remained more concerned about how both men were doing medically.

"Wilson's right side is really painful and both of them have headaches. It's hard to judge how much pain House's leg is causing him, he was running a slight temperature when I left. Actually the night went just fine, both of them slept through the night and other than House's temp, their vitals were good too. I kept getting up to check on them but they didn't need me."

"Who's going to stay with them tonight?" Cameron stood to put her lab coat on, "My place only has the one room but I wouldn't mind going to your house if you want to stay at mine. You need a good night's sleep too Dr. Cuddy."

"I think I'll stay one more night with them and then we'll see how they are. If they do well, I see no reason not to let them go back home but if they need us to watch over them, I just might take you up on that offer. I'm going home at lunch to check in on them."

"May I come?" Cameron asked.

"Sure, you can look in on House while I talk with Wilson."

* * *

House sat wrapped in a blanket watching his soap, while Wilson walked gingerly back from the kitchen carrying a glass of water and some pills.

"Here, take two and don't call me in the morning." Wilson handed the pills to House.

"What's this?"

"Aspirin, you're running a fever."

House swallowed the pills, "I guess congratulations are in order."

Wilson did his best to look sheepish while looking down at his hands, trying to avoid House's gaze, "Thanks."

House stared at his friend. Was he embarrassed? Pleased with his ability to procreate? He wasn't sure, Wilson seemed a little meek. Maybe the whole idea of being responsible for a child had him scared. House grabbed tissue from the box on the table and sneezed. As if being hit by a truck, losing consciousness, a badly bruised leg and having a piercing headache weren't bad enough, now he also had a cold. Perfect.

"I told Cuddy about our little ruse. She was not amused." Wilson switched the television off.

"I figured. No one's said any more about it in a while. So, how was she in the sack?"

"Get off it House, she's pregnant. Don't talk about her like that." Wilson did all he could not to smile. House was buying it.

Cameron and Cuddy walked in and Wilson motioned for House to be quiet, as if he didn't want Cameron to know about the pregnancy. Cameron took out her stethoscope and headed towards House. Cuddy did the same with Wilson.

"Hey, we're just fine. We're both doctors you know, we could have taken our vitals and called them in."

Cameron shushed him while she listened to his heart. She then found the pulse on his neck, and looked at him with concern, "House, you're running a fever."

"The brilliant oncologist just gave me something for it. I have a cold."

" I told you you'd get sick with a wet head in this weather." Cameron cocked her eyebrow and gave him a snide smile.

"Technically, you told me I'd catch my death. Do I look dead to you?"

"Wilson, I'd like to take a look at your side, would you mind going into the bedroom so I can examine you better?" Cuddy headed towards her bedroom.

"Hey, we all know you did the horizontal mambo in there this morning," House paused for effect and then looked up at Cameron, "Cuddy's pregnant you know."

"HOUSE!" Cuddy shouted in presumed shock.

Cameron looked at Cuddy and then at House, and then over to Wilson, "You mean, wait. Cuddy? Is he telling the truth?" Cameron too did her best to conceal just how much fun she was having.

Cuddy stormed off to her bedroom in mock anger with Wilson trailing her, while Cameron turned to House with a convincing look of shock on her face and finished taking his blood pressure.

* * *

That evening, Cuddy again made sure that both doctors were Ok in their perspective rooms and headed towards the living room to turn in.

Around midnight House got up and made his way out to the living room, to retrieve his box of tissues. He tried to hold in a sneeze but couldn't, and stuffed a tissue into his face to muffle the sound. Cuddy woke with a start and looked up at him, "Are you Ok?"

"Sorry," House held up the box, "forgot the tissues." Cuddy nodded her head. "When's the baby due?" He asked.

His question threw her off guard, it was neither sarcastic nor intended as anything other than an honest question. She hadn't really thought about when this fictional baby would be due, this charade wasn't supposed to have gone so far. "Nine months."

House frowned, "So around November?" He was frustrated by her answer, he was asking a genuine question and she refused to answer him.

"Yep."

"Are you taking pre-natal vitamins?"

Cuddy looked at him wondering if these were genuine questions or if he had an ulterior motive. Was he actually showing concern? She suddenly felt horrible for pulling such a prank, "Yes, I picked them up yesterday."

"Congratulations, you've finally got the baby you've been waiting for." There was an awkward silence and Cuddy felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. House tapped the tissue box with his fingers, "I think I'll go home tomorrow."

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

He nodded and headed back to his room.

* * *

"How's the cold?" Wilson joined House in the kitchen the next morning.

House blew his nose, "About the same. Have you seen the bottle of aspirin? I thought I left it out on the sink last night."

Wilson pointed to a shelf above the sink, "Sorry, I put it away."

House reached up and grabbed the aspirin. He pushed the bottles of vitamin c, Echinacea and fish oil aside to reach it. He downed two and stuck the bottle in his pocket, "Tell Cuddy I'm taking the aspirin, I don't have any at my place."

"So you're going home?"

"I want to sleep in my own bed, I feel like crap." House looked at Wilson, "Are you moving here permanently then?"

"Ah I guess so, yes. We haven't really talked about it." Wilson tried to find the most convincing words he could, unsure of what to say.

"You don't know if you're moving in with her or not?"

"We've hardly seen each other in the past two days. It's been a little crazy, don't you think?" House cocked an eyebrow and nodded slightly, agreeing that maybe things had been a bit unusual lately.

"I heard her in the bathroom again this morning. Morning sickness must suck. So, are you ready for this Daddy?"

Wilson looked at House and smiled, half chuckling at what House would do when he found out about all of this. He simply shrugged his shoulders, "I guess I have to be."


	9. Ch 9

Chapter 9

He sat with his head over a steaming bowl of hot water, with a towel covering both his head and the bowl. House inhaled deeply, hoping the combination of the steam and the vapor rub beneath his nose would help clear his nasal passages and when he could stand the steam no longer, House removed the towel and downed two more aspirin with some orange juice. He carefully stood and limped towards the fridge, opened the door and sighed. Cameron had made him homemade chicken soup that Chase dropped off a few days prior, along with the orange juice, some bread and the vapor rub. The only other food he had in the house was peanut butter and microwave popcorn. Nothing appealed to his growling stomach. House made his way out to the sofa, grabbing the phone on the way.

He sat down, propped his leg up on the coffee table, turned the television off and was about to dial the local Chinese take out number when the phone rang. He stared at it with a scowl, he was in no mood for idle chit chat.

"What?" He said as he answered the phone.

"That's a nice way to treat the person who's about to come over with lunch," Foreman replied.

"I don't want company."

"Tough, I know you don't have much food in the house and Cuddy wants an update."

"What's for lunch?"

"How about a ruben?"

"Fine."

"I'll be there in half an hour."

* * *

House, clad in shorts and a t-shirt, opened the door to find Foreman and Chase smiling at him. He grabbed the lunch bag from Foreman, and he headed back to the couch.

Foreman looked at Chase and shook his head, "Nice to see you too House."

Chase shut the door behind him, "Ugh, House it smells like an old folk's home in here."

House looked up at him and with a mouthful he said, "It's the vapor rub."

"How do you feel?" Foreman took his stethoscope out of his bag, and sat next to House on the couch.

"Can I at least finish my lunch before you start poking and prodding?" Foreman nodded.

"Cameron said she'd pick up a few groceries and bring them over if you want her to. She sent this over," Chase held up a small casserole dish with lasagna in it.

House looked at Chase, "I'm not a charity case. I'm fine, don't need anything."

Chase eyed him, "Ya, right," he said and headed towards the kitchen, "House you don't have any food here except a bit of the soup I brought you a few days ago." Chase shook his head and began washing the dishes in the sink.

House finished his sandwich and looked at Foreman, "Let's get this over with."

Foreman checked House's vitals, his pupil reflex and examined his leg, noting everything to take back to Cuddy.

"How do you feel?"

"How do you think I feel? Other than the fact I was hit by a truck, have a nasty cold and two twerps interrupting my nap time, I'm just fine."

Foreman eyed House, sighed and stood to leave. "Alright, we're going." He turned towards the front door with Chase close behind him.

"Feel better House." Chase said as he exited.

"Ya, thanks for the sandwich." House said flippantly.

* * *

"So, how was he?" Cuddy glanced at the vitals Foreman had written down.

"Crankier than hell." Foreman said.

"His place is a disaster, dirty dishes everywhere, clothes on the floor. He did eat most of that soup Cameron made for him, so at least he's eaten something." Chase added.

"His fever finally broke, no temp." Foreman looked at Cuddy, "He's not himself though."

"He's depressed." Cuddy said as she looked up at both men. They nodded their heads in agreement.

"Cameron's going to take him some groceries and check in on him day after tomorrow."

* * *

Foreman walked into the clinic nearly a week later and found Cuddy examining Wilson in one of the exam rooms, "Hey, are you back already?"

"If I get the thumbs up from my doctor." Wilson smiled at Cuddy. "Have you heard from House?"

Cuddy shook her head, "He came in yesterday while I was at a conference. Foreman examined him."

"He didn't say much, but he's healing. His cold's gone. He'll be at work tomorrow." Foreman said.

Cuddy checked Wilson's eyes with her penlight, "Any more headaches? When did your vomiting stop?"

"I haven't thrown up since I was in the hospital but I still have the occasional headache."

"I want you to take a few more days off."

"I'm fine Cuddy."

"You had a grade three concussion, you're not ready yet. Ask the neurologist." She said as she motioned to Foreman with a nod of her head.

"If you're still having headaches, you're not ready." Foreman looked apologetic.

"House is coming back, he was just as unconscious after the accident and he had a cold. I have patients who need me."

"House is ready and your patients have been taken care of." Cuddy looked to Foreman for support and he agreed. Wilson stared at his colleagues, something wasn't quite right.

"He's depressed isn't he?' Wilson eyed Cuddy, then Foreman, "We have to tell him." He was tired of the games, it should never have gone this far.

* * *

House threw a file at each of his fellows, "Cuddy apparently thinks I need to be kept busy, so here we have a 38 year old female who presented with low blood pressure, hives, diarrhea and vomiting. Here's the fun part, anaphylactic shock twenty minutes after admittance. Differential diagnosis, go."

"You've been gone nearly two weeks and you can't even say hello?" Chase tried to look House in the eye but he refused to look at him.

"Patient dying, differential diagnosis?"

"Allergy." Cameron replied.

"Could be a simple case of food poisoning or an ulcer." Foreman looked bored.

"Doesn't explain the anaphylaxis." House said. "Do a full work up, blood panel and anything else you can think of. Get a history, then do an RAST test, can't do a skin-prick test because of the anaphylaxis."

* * *

"You're wasting my time." House barged into Cuddy's office.

"We were swamped and she needed urgent medical care." Cuddy tried to justify herself.

"You sent me a patient with an allergic reaction. Anyone in the waiting room could have diagnosed her." House sat down on her couch, put his feet up and massaged his temples.

"Would you rather do clinic hours or work up one patient who needs a competent doctor? How's your head?"

"Fine until I walked in here." House watched as Cuddy sat down at her desk, "How's the morning sickness?"

It was time House knew the truth, no more games. Cuddy looked him in the eye, "House we've been…" Cuddy's phone rang, "I'm sorry, I have to take this call."

House stood and headed towards the cafeteria.

* * *

"She's allergic to fish." Foreman shook his head, "I'm so glad I spent my time diagnosing a fish allergy."

"I thought you said she was a vegetarian." House grabbed a few fries off of Chase's plate.

"Hey, I'm not Wilson. Get your mitts off."

"She's not a strict vegetarian. She started taking fish oil when her friend suggested it a couple of days ago." Cameron smiled at Chase and stole one of his fries too.

"Ok, I'm moving to another table." Chase said as he tried to protect his plate.

"Oh would you, pretty please?" House smirked. "By the way, it's clinic duty the rest of the day."

Foreman rolled his eyes, "great."

"I'll be in my office if any more urgent fish allergy cases come in." And with that, House limped out of the cafeteria.


	10. Ch 10

**Here is the last chapter in this mini fanfic. I had so much fun writing this, I can't even begin to say how much. This is my first fanfic, so hopefully I didn't mess up the characters too much. It started off as a prompt on the Fox forums website..."A red rose in a trashcan", and originally the story started off with the idea that a rose would have been passed from person to person, eventually ending up in the trash. While trying to figure out who would give it to House, the story morphed into this one. One thing led to another and in order to get certain characters in certain situations, the story went way up and over the top. Originally, there was absolutely no motorcylce accident, but the computer keys seemed to have a mind of their own at times and this story is the result. Hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are always welcome.**

Chapter 10

House placed a jazzy record onto the turntable and leaned back in his chair. He smiled as he picked up the now dried red rose that Wilson had given him during their little ruse two weeks ago. He had to admit, he really enjoyed pulling one over on everyone, particularly Cuddy. That thought was short lived though, when he thought about her. He couldn't get over the thought of Cuddy, Wilson and baby makes three. He was also frustrated, and angry at how she practically pushed him back into work this morning only to give him a ridiculous case any first year medical student could have solved. What was she trying to pull? Honestly, an allergy?

House sat up in his chair and picked up the red rose. As he stood to leave, House tossed it into the trash can, still reminiscing about his and Wilson's prank. He stared at it and thought _it's only a red rose in a trash can_ and then headed towards the clinic.

* * *

Instead of walking into the clinic, House turned and walked into Cuddy's office. She was sitting at her desk, busy with paperwork. 

"If it's Ok with you, I'm going home early."

"Are you feeling Ok?" Cuddy looked on with genuine concern.

House motioned towards his leg, "I'm not used to being on it and I have a headache."

Cuddy took out her penlight, "Let me see."

House batted her hand away, "I'm fine, it's been a long day. I just need to sleep, Ok?"

"If your headache gets worse, call. I'll check in with you later to see how you are."

"No, don't. I'll be asleep, don't wake me."

"Oh, Ok. See you on Monday then?"

"Yep."

"If you need anything at all this weekend, please call, really."

House headed out of the hospital, got into his car and headed towards the main road, however he had no intention of going home.

* * *

On Monday morning, Cuddy and Wilson stood in the lobby waiting for House to arrive. 

"Did you tell him?"

"I tried to but then I got a phone call. I wanted to tell him that afternoon, but he left early and I had a meeting to get to. I shouldn't have pushed him to come back so soon, he left with a headache. Did you get a hold of him this weekend?"

"No. We have to tell him. Today." Wilson looked outside, still no sign of House. "You don't think he'd do anything stupid, do you?"

"No." Cuddy said the word but wasn't so sure she meant it.

"If he's not here in half an hour, I'm going over there to check on him." Wilson looked worried.

As if on cue, a beaten up motorcycle pulled into the handicapped space in the parking lot, and House headed inside, cane in his right hand, and a large backpack on his shoulder.

"I can't believe he came to work on that thing." Wilson shook his head in disbelief.

"Good morning my two favorite love birds!" House grinned from ear to ear, "Just the two people I wanted to see. Can we step inside your office?" House motioned to Cuddy's office.

"You're in a good mood." Cuddy replied as they headed towards her office.

"Sit, sit." House motioned to the sofa and pulled up a chair for himself.

"I just wanted to tell you how truly happy I am for the both of you." House continued to smile broadly.

"House, I…" Cuddy tried to tell him the truth.

"No, let me finish. You know, I had a lot of time to think after the accident and I don't know what I'd do if I lost either of you." House paused as he watched a bewildered Cuddy and Wilson look up at him, "Here…" House pulled a large gift bag from his backpack and handed it to Cuddy, "Open it, open it. Go on."

Cuddy looked at him with her mouth slightly open, in obvious confusion, "Who are you and what have you done with Greg House?"

Wilson looked skeptical, "Don't open it, there's dog poop in it or something."

"Can't I be happy for my best friend and his pregnant girlfriend?" House smiled even bigger.

Cuddy stared at him in amazement for a moment, and then pulled the tissue paper out of the bag. She gasped, "House, you really shouldn't have."

"Now how could Uncle Greg not get something for his future godchild?"

Cuddy carefully pulled back the delicate tissue paper to find a beautiful, perfectly soft, hand crocheted baby's blanket, a matching rattle and white layette, trimmed in satin. They were clearly from a high end baby boutique and they were without a doubt, exquisite. She cupped her hand to her mouth and tears began to form. She didn't know what to say, it was an absolutely beautiful gift.

Wilson looked at Cuddy, then at the gift. He was speechless.

"I'm off, sick people to treat. Glad you like it. Oh, there's a card somewhere in that bag too." And before either of them had a chance to explain, House disappeared into the lobby.

Cuddy looked at Wilson, tears streaming down her face, "I wish I really was pregnant."

Wilson half smiled while staring at the floor. Looking up at Cuddy, he said, "He knows."

"What?"

"House knows you're not pregnant."

"How could he know, what about this gift and what he said? He put a lot of effort and thought into this."

"When have you ever known Greg House to act like he just did?" He looked at Cuddy and shook his head, "Hand me the gift bag."

Cuddy passed the bag to him and he reached inside for the card, "Here," he said as he passed the card to her.

"Wait, there's something else at the bottom of the bag," he said. Wilson reached in and pulled out a bottle of pre-natal vitamins. A slip of paper was taped over the prescription label and he read it aloud, "These tend to work better than the fish oil you have at home." Cuddy closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Open the card," Wilson said.

Cuddy read the card, smiled, and laughed.

"Well? What does it say?"

"Gotcha!"

* * *

At the end of a very busy first day back, Wilson made his way to House's office and opened the door to find House tinkering with his record player, "What a day" Wilson said. He sat down in the corner chair and put his feet up. 

House looked up at him, "I hate coming back to work after a long vacation."

"That was no vacation." Wilson watched as House nodded his head in agreement, "So you knew?"

"Is the pope Catholic?" House said with a wry smile.

Wilson raised an eyebrow, "You have to admit, we got you."

"Never."

"Oh come on, the look on your face that first morning at Cuddy's was worth the concussion."

House chuckled, "The look on both of your faces this morning was worth the price I paid for that gift."

Wilson looked at his friend and had to ask, half knowing what the answer would be, but none-the-less hopeful, "So, was there any meaning behind what you said this morning? About not knowing what you'd do without us?"

House looked up at Wilson with a mischievous grin, "Who else would I torment?"

Wilson smiled, "So you do care."

"I never said that."

"No, but you didn't deny it either."

Wilson watched as House sighed while shaking his head.

A moment passed in silence before House said, "Need a lift home? I got my bike back, good as new."

"No thanks, I actually _want_ to come in to work tomorrow, and preferably without the need of a stretcher." Wilson stood to leave, House chuckled.

As Wilson headed towards the door, House said, "Night Wanda."

Wilson smiled, "Night Poppy."

The end.


End file.
